At Christmas-time you bought me a book. Not as my gift, just as we walked through the crowded mall with tired faces with no holiday cheer. You asked if I’d read it, and I told you no. You told me it was the best book you’d ever read and that I had to read it. Even after I told you not to spend your money, you insisted upon buying me a copy of my own. I did not know how grateful I would be for that until this moment.
At the end of April you saw the book sitting in the bin I always kept on the shelf in my tiny dorm room. Your expression changed. When I asked you what was wrong, you told me that I’d never read the book. I told you I would read it this summer, when I had the time. You just nodded.
Two days ago you left me. Not for lack of love, but for a lack of togetherness. There was always a part of us that created friction but not in the spark-of-love kind of way—in the we-can’t-possibly-make-it kind of way.
I don’t know if we are each too attached to each other or if I am just too desperate, but I think we are magnetic. We say we are not together but we kissed more than 100 times in the 12 hours we had left when we were supposed to be “broken-up.” We met in the staircase at 4 am the day before we both moved out of the place we called “heaven” for 10 months, which was really just a place for us to crash and undress one another after classes and theater and basketball. We filled two rooms with enough love to bring world peace. It just wasn’t enough to keep us together.
I told you I was going to read your book. You chuckled and looked at me and I knew you still loved me to pieces, the same way I adore you. You told me the reason you bought me that book was because it was you. A literary representation of you.
I read it in a day. It is like all the poems I have written for you. Your essence is in every line. The author’s diction was meant to depict you. If I have nothing else from us, I am glad it is this book, because even if we are done, or dark, or absent, I can pick you up every day, and flip through all the pages of you, of us. I can feel you and hear you. I can caress you the way I used to. The way you always deserved.
So this lady at my work was asking me when the new usher CD comes out and It didn’t come out until Sept 9th and she said she couldn’t wait that long she NEEDED it and I said “Oh that’s fine, Just take a really long nap and I’ll wake you up when September starts.” I was so damn proud of myself and she didn’t get it at all!!! Only my coworker did and that is how I didn’t even get my five minutes I lost it